This morning I experienced a little heartbreak. My husband was on his way out the door then stopped and asked me a question. Looking back I wish my answer could have just been “yes.” But I’m one of those “high maintenance” people and a one word answer is never good enough, so as is my habit, “yes” was just the tip of the iceberg of my answer. I elaborated by adding my logic and reasoning to support my “yes.” To me, the words that followed my “yes” were important, revealing, intimate and personal; something that I would only trust to my closest friend.   I thought I was being brave and loving and more open with my husband than I usually was. This was a big step for me; it’s something I’ve been striving to improve in our relationship: communication.

But instead of the loving affirmation I expected, he made a sound, like a grumble that made me think he didn’t like what I said. I asked him what was wrong and he said he did not understand me. So I tried again to explain myself and was careful to select different words and not just repeat myself. I wanted him to listen and understand this part of me that I was revealing to him. But my words weren’t getting the reaction I wanted. He appeared to be disgusted with me and I felt like he was angry at me. He sounded incredulous that I could be the way I described. It felt like he was ashamed of me. He was rejecting who I was, how I thought, and my truth. It hurt.

And he left the house shaking his head and muttering something I couldn’t hear. I stood there with a lump in my throat. Now what do I do? This was just a simple interchange between a husband and a wife, so innocent and insignificant. Why did it hurt me so much?

For one thing, after working through the eight recovery principles of Celebrate Recovery, I’m more aware of my feelings than ever before. I learned how to be still and feel my feelings rather than use food to cover them up. But I don’t like to hurt so what else can I do to ease the painful feeling?

First I said a little quick prayer, something like “Please God, help me.”   Then as I drove to work, I reviewed the facts of what happened. This exchange took place early in the morning as we were rushing to get ready to leave for work. I know that is not the ideal time for a deep, meaningful conversation. He asked a simple yes or no question and I made the choice to provide a lengthy response. Maybe he didn’t reject me, but just didn’t have time to listen and respond the way he wanted to?

Still I held on to the hurt and felt like I needed a hug. Then I remembered that God delights in me (Psalm 18:19) and wants to care for me like a mother hen protects her chicks under her wings (Matthew 23:37). So many times over the five decades of my life I have needed a hug and didn’t know how to ask for one. But God had his arms wrapped around me the whole time!

Ramona Taylor