Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. ~John 8:32


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Does God Really Want to Give Me What My Heart Desires?

Be delighted with the Lord. Then he will give you all your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4 (TLB)

When I was growing up, my three sisters used to tell me that because I was the baby of the family, I usually got what I wanted when I asked our parents for something, especially Daddy. So whenever they wanted something and were afraid Daddy would say no, they would send me to ask him.

Now, I don’t really remember that to be true, but I do remember that it was comforting to hear it. That made me feel special—to think that Daddy might have a hard time saying no to me. I believe my heavenly Daddy—Papa, as I like to think of Him (not only because I love William P. Young’s book The Shack but also because that’s what we called my sweet maternal grandfather)—loves me even more than Daddy did and doesn’t want to say no to my requests.

Unfortunately, I seldom felt that Daddy paid much attention to me, well, unless I did something he felt a need to punish me for. Oh, he was a good provider for his family, but I think I was a bit afraid of him. It seemed he had more important things to do than listen to me whining about something I wanted.

I’m afraid that has carried over into my relationship with Papa. I suppose I’ve always been a little afraid of Him, too. I’ve had a hard time believing that He loves me personally enough to listen attentively to what I say to Him, much less that He wants to give me “the desires of [my] heart.”

bread-789833I take a great deal of comfort in Matthew 7:9-11 (MSG): “Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?”

I love that: “Don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?” Do we truly believe God wants only good for us, or do we see Him through the lenses of our earthly parents who were anything but perfect?

We are definitely limited by our history, by how we viewed our parents and how they interacted with us. At some point in our lives we need to own the fact that, although our earthly parents are in some ways like Papa, their love for us is only a poor reflection of the perfect love Papa will always have for us. Papa is love (1 John 4:8)…pure, unadulterated love that we can only begin to understand and reflect to others in this life.

The best I know to do is to trust Jesus to continually intercede for me at Papa’s right hand (Romans 8:34). He knows what I’m going through because He’s been through all the same emotions, temptations, frustrations, and needs. Papa now knows exactly what it feels like to be human. I like to think He has even more compassion for us since Jesus became one of us.

Now I am delighted to go to Him with my requests because my heart truly believes He loves me. I understand that He wants to give me the desires of my heart because—only through his power—my heart is becoming more like His heart every day.


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Ever just need a hug?

Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms. Psalm 68:19 (NLT)

HugsThis morning I experienced a little heartbreak. My husband was on his way out the door then stopped and asked me a question. Looking back I wish my answer could have just been “yes.” But I’m one of those “high maintenance” people and a one word answer is never good enough, so as is my habit, “yes” was just the tip of the iceberg of my answer. I elaborated by adding my logic and reasoning to support my “yes.” To me, the words that followed my “yes” were important, revealing, intimate and personal; something that I would only trust to my closest friend.   I thought I was being brave and loving and more open with my husband than I usually was. This was a big step for me; it’s something I’ve been striving to improve in our relationship: communication.

But instead of the loving affirmation I expected, he made a sound, like a grumble that made me think he didn’t like what I said. I asked him what was wrong and he said he did not understand me. So I tried again to explain myself and was careful to select different words and not just repeat myself. I wanted him to listen and understand this part of me that I was revealing to him. But my words weren’t getting the reaction I wanted. He appeared to be disgusted with me and I felt like he was angry at me. He sounded incredulous that I could be the way I described. It felt like he was ashamed of me. He was rejecting who I was, how I thought, and my truth. It hurt.

And he left the house shaking his head and muttering something I couldn’t hear. I stood there with a lump in my throat. Now what do I do? This was just a simple interchange between a husband and a wife, so innocent and insignificant. Why did it hurt me so much?

For one thing, after working through the eight recovery principles of Celebrate Recovery, I’m more aware of my feelings than ever before. I learned how to be still and feel my feelings rather than use food to cover them up. But I don’t like to hurt so what else can I do to ease the painful feeling?

First I said a little quick prayer, something like “Please God, help me.”   Then as I drove to work, I reviewed the facts of what happened. This exchange took place early in the morning as we were rushing to get ready to leave for work. I know that is not the ideal time for a deep, meaningful conversation. He asked a simple yes or no question and I made the choice to provide a lengthy response. Maybe he didn’t reject me, but just didn’t have time to listen and respond the way he wanted to?

Still I held on to the hurt and felt like I needed a hug. Then I remembered that God delights in me (Psalm 18:19) and wants to care for me like a mother hen protects her chicks under her wings (Matthew 23:37). So many times over the five decades of my life I have needed a hug and didn’t know how to ask for one. But God had his arms wrapped around me the whole time!

Ramona2

Ramona Taylor