But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:7-8
Earlier this week, someone told me I am the most well adjusted person he knows. To really appreciate this comment, it should be said this is an exceptionally wise person. If he weren’t a resident of Murfreesboro, Tennessee, he’d probably live high in the Himalayan Mountains. People would climb the treacherous cliffs just to ask him deep questions about the meaning of life. Then, he would stroke his long, white beard thoughtfully and answer with something like, “Life is like macaroni and cheese…” and no one would understand his philosophical and enigmatic responses. This is why I started to wonder how I could seem so well adjusted—like I said, he’s a super smart dude.
Kids of preachers and pastors (P.K.’s) are often skilled at making it look like we’ve got it all figured out. Even if no one ever tells you to get your act together because the members of your father’s congregation are looking at you, you can sense it. You sit on the front pew and feel the eyes boring in to your ponytail. You just know they’re watching to see if you fight with your sisters or get too many desserts at the Sunday night potluck dinner. After a while, it’s possible to forget what you really think or feel and only live in the expectations you’ve absorbed from that front pew.
But it’s not just for P.K.’s. Being truly authentic will always be a struggle for some of us. And now, with the advent of Facebook, it’s even harder. We’ve all become professional image consultants and fact spinners. We’ll post parenting failures and cooking disasters but only to the extent we can control the story. We want to look fallible without looking like a total failure. It’s like the girl who said, “I know this is bad but I’ve never donated blood before. I feel horrible about it but you have to weigh more than 100 lbs.” Yeah, you feel really bad about being TOO SKINNY. That’s like a backhanded compliment, but with opposite intentions.
Of course, it’s possible to be overly transparent. Status updates about eating your placenta or how your marriage is falling apart may be crossing the line. Mark Zuckerberg may think that should be in my newsfeed but I beg to differ. Transparency is one thing. Ripping open your guts and showing us the contents of your large intestines are another.
So how do I live a life of authenticity? How do I set aside what others think of me and just be honest? Does it involve not wearing mascara and never shaving my legs? Who knows. Maybe it’s different for everybody. What I do know is that I prefer to spend time with people who are honest about their flaws but not consumed by them. They are so busy being interested in others they don’t have time to focus on their own mess. Their mess is out there, not white-washed and swept under the rug, but there for a reason—to keep them humble and grounded and accessible.
I can’t say it any better than The Velveteen Rabbit:
“’Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.’”
Many thanks to Abby Rosser for our guest post today. Abby is the author of Oh to Grace and a weekly columnist for “The Daily News Journal.” You can follow her on abbyrosser.com.
Loving people is more important than doing important things!
Today I am home alone. I seldom get the chance to be alone so this time is very precious to me. It’s wonderful. I’m listening to the sounds of silence, or as close as I can get to silence without leaving home! I can hear the heating system blowing. My dog barks occasionally but mostly it’s just the sound of his breathing as he sleeps squeezed in between my right leg and the arm of the chair. Sometimes I hear a car or truck drive down the street. Today, I can hear what I’d call “construction noise” although I can’t see anything going on here on my street. It’s only vague sounds of motors and hammering and an indiscernible yell every now and then. All that is in the background and does not disturb me. This silence is so peaceful and quiet.
A line from one of my favorite psalms is “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him.” (Psalm 37:7) Patience is not easy for me so I have to feel like I’m doing something. My favorite thing to do while I’m trying to be patient is to sit in the silence and read the Bible and pray. I’ve always heard people use the first line of Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God” as support for spending time alone with God; for having a daily quiet time to commune with the Lord; for time of devotion and prayer. The Nelson Study Bible comments that this “stillness before the Lord is not a preparation for worship, but for impending judgment…” and how “all the earth will bow before [God]” as it says in the following verses. That’s a good reminder for me that this is serious business and it’s very important for me to remember the awesomeness of my God. I can just imagine the deep, powerful, booming voice saying “I am who I am” (Exodus 3:14.) That kind of gets lost on me when I’m surrounded by the noise of life. But it comes through loud and clear when I’m immersed in silence.
As we head into the love month that includes Valentine’s Day, our thoughts turn to love. Although the world does its best to define love as something that can be bought, is found under the sheets or expressed with chocolate (and I do so love me some chocolate!), 1 John 4:4-21 is a lesson in true love, pure love.
So if love is not candy, flowers or scantily clad people making out on television, what does love look like?
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