Oh Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. Psalms 139:1.
Father’s Day has never been an easy day for me. Hallmark just doesn’t make cards that say, “Happy Father’s day…oh, and thanks for a childhood full of confusion and abuse.” It’s really sad, though. Each year I go through this rant of how I am going to write an honest, appropriate Father’s Day card to him. I say all the things he won’t hear, and I demand that he owns them and repent. But then I never do send it. Some years I send a simple text that states, “Thanks for my life.” Most years I bypass communication altogether.
Unfortunately, my dear husband, who is everything I wish my father had been to me, gets the short end of the stick. We usually are low key on the celebration. I just don’t want to be reminded of what I don’t have. I avoid social media in order not to provoke a “trigger” that takes me weeks to recover from. But this year I am taking a chance and focusing on my husband, the father of my three—soon to be four—children.
For me, because of the abuse I received from my father, I have a hard time with men in general. I’m guarded and accusatorial when coming in contact with a man I don’t know. When my husband has hurt me or let me down (as people do), it’s catastrophic for me because the betrayals of my father have left deep scars. I continue to allow the past hurts to hinder all logic and forgiveness when I am betrayed by anyone, especially by my husband.
But, I want to see this day as an opportunity to celebrate the wonderful fathers that I do have in my life. Two of my three brothers have become fathers in recent years. They are not only exceptional fathers, but they have also shown my husband and me a thing or two about parenting. A few years ago my brother-in-law almost lost his family but he showed us what true repentance is, and I am witness to a true miracle! He is one of the most devoted daddies I have ever met. Then there is my late step father, my second chance daddy, who was taken home recently. He showed me and my siblings something we never saw from our biological dad: authentic, unconditional love for our mother. Last but not least, my favorite daddy, the father of my own children, my husband Anthony who has shown me time and time again what true fatherhood looks like. He shows unconditional love, laying his life aside for the needs of his children and leading by example—from his knees.
Instead of focusing on what I don’t have with my father, I am pledging to focus on what my children do have. Rather than feeling sorry for myself over what I was given by my father, which is a lifetime of hurt, I am going to focus on what he did give me: my life. Finally and most importantly, I’m going to focus on my real Father, the one who shaped me in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-14), for He is my one true Father who has carried and cared for me all my life.
I am going to pledge that when I become overwhelmed with the pain from my childhood and the psychological and sexual abuse my earthly father bestowed upon me, I will remind myself of what my true Abba Father has given me. When I reflect upon the things I have received from both my fathers, Abba has proven time and time again His never failing love, His faithful promises, His abundant grace, and His mounting blessings. Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise! No one can measure his greatness! Psalms 145:3.
Happy Father’s Day to Dads everywhere!
Jesus wants me to talk with Him and walk with Him and learn from that everyday walk how to be like Him. If I want to figure out who I am and why I’m here, I must first figure out who He really is and let Him transform me to be more and more like Him.
When I want to understand why I have control issues as a woman or why my husband seems disconnected it’s all there in the fall of our original parents, Adam and Eve. It was the biggest fail, an epic fall from grace. We were in the full presence of God and that life as we knew it was completely undone. Not to put the blame on Adam and Eve because since then, we have all added to the pile of sin that has become the world around us.
That is the sole definition of God—absolute, makes no sense, head over heels, in love with us! When it comes down to it, love is what remains. It is what saved us and it is what first bore us. It is what inspired our life and it is not gone after death. In fact, love is all that remains once our flesh is in the ground until the day of Christ’s return. Love. He made us from His self out of love, we betrayed Him, and He wins us back through the greatest display of love, dying on the cross.
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.’”
Oh? I’ve been attracted to memes all my life and didn’t realize it. I especially remember back in high school when I had posters plastered all over my bedroom walls. They were mostly outdoor scenes and cute animal pictures with pithy sayings that made me smile and feel good. And now I collect internet memes by saving them to My Photos on my iPhone. I like some funny ones, but mostly I save memes that make me stop and think.
The Oxford Dictionary says the word “meme” originated in the 1970’s from the Greek word “mimema” which means “that which is imitated.” The definition from Wikipedia says a meme is “an idea, behavior, or style that spreads from person to person within a culture.”
right and just and fair; for giving prudence to those who are simple, knowledge and discretion to the young—let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise.” (Proverbs 1:2-6 NIV)
It’s great for when I’m a little worried or feeling down but don’t have a lot of time to search the Bible or to call someone. I just start scrolling through my pictures and I don’t have to go very far before one sparks a memory about somebody or starts a deeper thought process and I start praying.
The mobile Bible app called “YouVersion” includes a built in menu option to make your own memes from any Bible verse. The app calls it making “Verse Images.” You can make a meme and then save it to your phone or share with social media.
So far, I’ve not felt called to write a book — this blog is even a bit out of my comfort zone. Maybe you’re like me and fear doing anything you’ve never tried before. Why is that? What’s the worst thing that could happen? What is it I fear about stepping out of my comfort zone?
rejects you? She might think you’re a weirdo and run for the hills!
That day I began to listen to myself. As a young child, our son, Josh, was diagnosed with Oppositional-Defiant Disorder (ODD). A counselor told us raising him was going to be like guiding a surly, disobedient teenager who had less than half the maturity of a teenager. Now a fine adult who spreads God’s love through music, Josh was willfully noncompliant as a child. He had fits of rage and I was often the target of his anger.
But instead of bubbling with anticipation of Santa’s visit, I’m sitting here with a headache because I haven’t had breakfast yet. I can’t eat until after I have my blood drawn for a fasting blood test And I’m making my headache worse by worrying about whether or not my plans for all the holiday parties, gifts, and travel are going to work out. I’m letting my mind spend too much time on earthly things and that will get me into trouble.
I have a life-long habit of abusing food, and even if you don’t have an issue with food, maybe you can relate to my struggle with lack of self-discipline in another area. I belong to Christ but my flesh still desires too much harmful food and not enough exercise. It seems to me that I have failed to take that next step and surrender all my fleshly desires; specifically I’m holding on to foods that comfort me and help me tolerate stressful and anxious times.
And this time of year when everyone is baking special treats, sharing meals and celebrating with food, I’m really stretching my self-control to its limit. When I don’t have the structured routine of going to my job every week day for work, I’m in danger of following my fleshly desires to lie on the couch, watch TV and snack on potato chips.
keepitsimplesweetie.org 