Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. ~John 8:32

Tag Archives: Celebrate Recovery


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Ever just need a hug?

Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms. Psalm 68:19 (NLT)

HugsThis morning I experienced a little heartbreak. My husband was on his way out the door then stopped and asked me a question. Looking back I wish my answer could have just been “yes.” But I’m one of those “high maintenance” people and a one word answer is never good enough, so as is my habit, “yes” was just the tip of the iceberg of my answer. I elaborated by adding my logic and reasoning to support my “yes.” To me, the words that followed my “yes” were important, revealing, intimate and personal; something that I would only trust to my closest friend.   I thought I was being brave and loving and more open with my husband than I usually was. This was a big step for me; it’s something I’ve been striving to improve in our relationship: communication.

But instead of the loving affirmation I expected, he made a sound, like a grumble that made me think he didn’t like what I said. I asked him what was wrong and he said he did not understand me. So I tried again to explain myself and was careful to select different words and not just repeat myself. I wanted him to listen and understand this part of me that I was revealing to him. But my words weren’t getting the reaction I wanted. He appeared to be disgusted with me and I felt like he was angry at me. He sounded incredulous that I could be the way I described. It felt like he was ashamed of me. He was rejecting who I was, how I thought, and my truth. It hurt.

And he left the house shaking his head and muttering something I couldn’t hear. I stood there with a lump in my throat. Now what do I do? This was just a simple interchange between a husband and a wife, so innocent and insignificant. Why did it hurt me so much?

For one thing, after working through the eight recovery principles of Celebrate Recovery, I’m more aware of my feelings than ever before. I learned how to be still and feel my feelings rather than use food to cover them up. But I don’t like to hurt so what else can I do to ease the painful feeling?

First I said a little quick prayer, something like “Please God, help me.”   Then as I drove to work, I reviewed the facts of what happened. This exchange took place early in the morning as we were rushing to get ready to leave for work. I know that is not the ideal time for a deep, meaningful conversation. He asked a simple yes or no question and I made the choice to provide a lengthy response. Maybe he didn’t reject me, but just didn’t have time to listen and respond the way he wanted to?

Still I held on to the hurt and felt like I needed a hug. Then I remembered that God delights in me (Psalm 18:19) and wants to care for me like a mother hen protects her chicks under her wings (Matthew 23:37). So many times over the five decades of my life I have needed a hug and didn’t know how to ask for one. But God had his arms wrapped around me the whole time!

Ramona2

Ramona Taylor


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Good Thing I’ve Got a Solid Foundation!

stone-wall-reducedI will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against the house, it stands firm because it is well built. Luke 6:47-48 (NLT)

I think it’s ironic that I’m introducing myself at a time when I’m struggling to keep my identity in focus. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me and my mind is spinning. But I still know one thing for sure, Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and He never changes. I can trust that Jesus will never leave me.

I am from the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in Eastern Kentucky. My family tree includes Irish immigrants, Native Americans, Civil War oppositionists, moonshiners, unrepentant sinners, talented musicians, natural medicine healers, faithful Christians, productive farmers, coal miners, military veterans, and story tellers.

And my family tree is not too healthy right now. For the past three years, a big part of my life has been serving as the guardian for my disabled mother and she just died. Momma had a stroke that left her with brain damage so severe that she was unable to walk or talk. But for me, the worst part was that she couldn’t communicate with us in any way: she couldn’t read or write or type or point to pictures or push buttons or nod or shake her head reliably. I think she felt trapped in her body and was just waiting to die. I felt sad and depressed the whole three years.

My father died suddenly in 1994 from a massive heart attack. His death was a shock. Is it because it was 20 years ago that his death doesn’t seem as bad as Momma’s death less than a month ago? I was sad and missed him, but I was younger and newly married and had so much to look forward to.

My own health isn’t the greatest. I have a few health issues related to my lifestyle, my age and my family history: arthritis, diabetes, obesity, and cardiovascular disease. My default behavior is to eat something to make me feel better. My brain seems to always be “on” and the noise in my mind is constant but quiets down when I’m eating.

Right now I feel scatterbrained. What an appropriate word to express what is going on inside my head…I can’t seem to focus my thoughts. If you ask me a question, it doesn’t matter how simple, I feel lost. My memory will just go blank and I can’t think of what to say. At other times, I have too much to say and provide much more information than is necessary or appropriate. This is not like me and probably is because I’m under stress right now.

Stress? Everybody has stress. I’ve had stress in the past and came through just fine. I know how to trust Jesus to carry me as I’m working through all this stress. Let me make a list (because making lists brings me comfort):

  1. Momma died and now there’s a will to probate and final guardianship reports to be filed.
  2. My only sibling, my younger brother, was in a freak accident last Saturday night and has 2nd and 3rd degree burns on his feet. He’s in a burn unit receiving an experimental wound covering because he has diabetes and is not a candidate for a skin graft.
  3. My only child, a son, will be a senior in high school starting next week. He turned 18 last week and has to register for the draft. He plans to attend college in another town and move away from home next year.
  4. The division in which I work is experiencing many retirements, promotions and organizational changes. My office was physically moved to a new location last week. I’m working out of boxes and trying to settle in while still being productive.
  5. My husband and I will celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary this year. I’m almost to the point where I can admit my expectations as a new bride were unreasonable. Yet I’m still working on molding him into the potential man I expected him to become.
  6. I recently placed membership at the West Campus of North Boulevard church of Christ that meets at the new Farmer’s Market location on John Rice Boulevard. It’s new and growing and I’m getting connected.
  7. I have a routine of going to the YMCA at 5am to exercise in their indoor pool. The surprising announcement of its permanent closing means I’ve got to find a replacement pool. It depresses me because I know there’s no other pool available at 5 a.m. so this will require changing my entire morning schedule. I do not establish new habits easily.
  8. The Celebrate Recovery Step Study Group I’ve been attending every Friday night has completed and I’m not sure how to replace that weekly “port in the storm.”

 

I feel I have truly come unglued and qualify to contribute to this blog. I don’t necessarily think adding to my list of stressful changes by starting something new is going to be easy, but it is exciting. And I’m stepping out in faith knowing I have a solid foundation.

Ramona

Ramona Taylor


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Do You Know You Are Beloved?

What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we’re called children of God! That’s who we really are.  (1 John 3:1, The Message)

When was the last time someone looked deeply into your eyes and said you were greatly valued? That something you did was excellent? That you were worthy of their time or energy or friendship? That happened to me recently quite unexpectedly — unexpectedly enough that it caught me off guard and brought tears to my eyes.

The values I developed growing up were excellent, but what I seemed to miss was feeling valued. Being products of the Great Depression, my parents stayed extremely busy trying to make life better for their four daughters than it had been for them. One of the unintended consequences of that upbringing was a lack of emotional connection. We were taught to simply do the right thing and to be careful that we not think too highly of ourselves. I remember my mother saying that she didn’t want to brag on us or her grandchildren because she didn’t want us to “get a big head.”

What I didn’t understand I was missing until I became an adult was that basic need to feel special. All of us need to feel that we are valued and that we have the ability to accomplish great things. I’ve tended to do lots of things in my life, probably in some misguided attempt to prove my value — if only to myself. I’ve also doubted the talents God has given me, especially my creative abilities.

It’s taken years for me to come to the realization that my value to God is not in question. I am beloved of him simply because I’m his child. He created me to be exactly who I am with exactly the talents he wanted me to develop.

This year I decided to work on developing confidence in one of those talents by attending the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference (brmcwc.com). Although I asked myself what in the world I was doing there, I decided to sign up for a 15-minute evaluation session with conference co-director Edie Melson. That’s when it happened. When she read one of my attempts at blogging, looked deeply into my eyes and called me a very  good writer, I was brought to tears. I didn’t expect that. It certainly felt good, though.

At that point I decided I had doubted long enough. If God believed in me enough to entrust me with even a small measure of writing talent, then it was time for me to begin to develop it. It was time to admit that I do write and, therefore, I am a writer. I simply need to trust God for my confidence and my ability and keep putting pen to paper … or fingers to keyboard.

This incident also convinced me that I should be looking deeply into the eyes of others in my life to tell them how much I value them and how important they are in God’s story. I believe we could accomplish even greater things in His kingdom if we were to routinely hear that from the people around us.

Do you hear routinely from your family or friends how important and valued you are? Have you ever heard it?

Have you ever said it to someone else? Let’s give it a try this week and see what a difference we can make in someone else’s life.

The Lord will bless our efforts to bless others.

Please comment below how you’ve let others know they are beloved by God and by you or how others have done that for you.

Dee Baker

Dee Baker


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Welcome to the Mask-free Zone

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.  ~John 8:32

Hey, y’all! I’m Cindy Phiffer and you have arrived at the blog written with women in mind. Coming Unglued: Getting rid of those pesky masks! is a way for regular contributors Sarah Apa, Darlene Baker and myself along with guest contributors to talk with you about things that matter to women of all ages. In the spirit of transparency, which you will come to expect from us, we range in life from a mother of three young children to a mother of two adult children to a mother of two adult children and grandmother of two grandbeauties.

We have all chosen Jesus as our greater power, and we got to know each other through Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12-step program. As we each introduce ourselves over the coming months, you will find out about our family and church lives, our involvement in the community and our relationships with other women. We are each at different places in our lives, and I’d love to tell you a little bit about where I’m coming from.

I’m married to my best friend Jim Phiffer, and on August 17, 2015, we will celebrate our 30th anniversary. God has seen us through physical challenges, financial devastation and psychological debilitation. We have survived my husband’s job losses, my own psychiatric hospitalization, his suicide attempt and the deaths of our parents, three to natural causes and one to suicide. We both enjoy reading good books and playing music–him on the guitar and me on the piano. He loves the blues and I sing in a folk/inspirational trio with my siblings, The Flatt Sisters. We appreciate the fact that our Lord equipped us with the ability to play with words and neither of us has ever met a pun we didn’t like.

I’ve spent the past 25 years developing an incredibly strong network of women who love me as I love them. We pray for each other, standing in the gap when necessary and celebrating each others’ joys as well as grieving over each others’ losses. Three years ago when my husband had been out of work for two years, I realized the need for me to get a 9-5 (or in my case, 8-4:30) job with benefits. This was a monumental change for me, as I had spent the previous 20 years working as an independent contractor, writing, editing, indexing, and tutoring in art, writing, music and reading.

One of the benefits of my current job at Middle Tennessee State University is continuing my education. I get to take one free three-hour class per semester and I’m using those classes to finally earn my master’s degree in administration and supervision of higher education. Although I wondered if I could hang in there with students a third my age (I received my bachelor’s degree in music education from the University of Tennessee in 1978!), I have managed to juggle life with my studies and maintain an A average.

As we introduce ourselves, let us know who you are and what challenges you face as you gather the courage to unmask. Whatever you wrestle with, you can be assured of one thing—you are not alone.

Cindy Phiffer

Cindy Phiffer